bird's opening
by fahRENheit2006
Summary: Ren and Fishbone76 put their heads together to give you this drabble of the ultimate chess match between Samantha Traynor and Tali'Zorah Vas Normandy. The Bird's Opening is the 6th most popular opening and is a very aggressive chess move. Cover image by Fishbone76 (check out her DeviantArt gallery for the full image!)


Hand at her chin, Samantha Traynor studied the chess board in front of her. The glowing interface was looking a bit blurry around the edges, her mind swimming as she gave a few long blinks. Sam's spot at the Skyllian Five table in the Port Observation Deck was surrounded by a collection of empty liquor bottles, her other hand gripping a half-consumed cocktail.

Her opponent purred from across the green-topped table. "Are you **sweating** , Specialist Traynor?" Tali'Zorah Vas Normandy drummed a pair of fingers impatiently.

"Not at all," Sam retorted as she reached forward to nudge a pawn. "Just trying to decide if I want to win this in 10 moves… or 15 to give you a little boost of confidence." Her smile was lazy and—admittedly—a bit drunk.

"Big talk," the quarian slurred, her inflection a little lower than normal. "Considering you said this was 'in the bag' four moves ago. What does that even **mean**?"

 _Well,_ _ **right now**_ _it actually means "drunk."_

"It's just a silly idiom that—forget it. Your go, Admiral."

There was a dull tapping sound on Sam's right that she ignored with another sip of her drink.

Tali's white eyes flicked over to the side before returning to the chess board. "Should we let them back in?"

"Absolutely not," Samantha said with an emphatic shake of her head.

The quarian gave an apologetic shrug at the glass panels that made up the entrance to the small poker cubby of the recreation room.

A muffled "Oh come on!" could be heard from the other side of the glass.

Hovering there, faces pressed up against the locked doors, was Commander Jane Shepard and _(General?)_ Garrus Vakarian. Also perched on Jane's shoulder was her hamster, Lil' Dude. All three looked positively pathetic standing around unable to enter.

Garrus scratched a digit against the glass again for another pleading tap. He lowered the rumble in his voice. "…come on… We'll behave. It was just a little friendly wager between significant others."

He nudged an elbow at Shepard, who nodded in agreement. "Sure. Yes. Friendly. We were just really excited over how friendly we all are." She gritted her teeth in a grin. "…and how much you're going to win, Sam!" Her palm slapped drunkenly on the wall in encouragement.

"Hey!" Garrus squawked back in outrage. A heated argument started ( _continued, rather_ ) just on the other side of the glass.

"I was so **close** , Shepard! Then you had to open your big, fleshy mouth!"

 _No you weren't even close, Garrus._

" **You're** the one who got us kicked out in the first place! Because, and I quote, 'Tali is gonna wipe the floor with that squishy Comms nerd.'"

"Well she is! All humans are squishy! …except you, of course."

 _…_ _I mean, he's not_ _ **wrong**_ _but it still_ _ **hurts**_ _…_

"Is not! Did you see Samantha at that Kepesh Yakshi tournament? No! You were dicking around in the arena. She was **incredible**!" Shepard gushed as she waved a threatening fist at Garrus.

 _Oh, thank you, darling. I knew I kept you around for a reason,_ Sam inwardly smirked as she sipped her drink.

The two chess players shot each other a withering look and rolled their eyes in sync.

* * *

 _…_ _Earlier that same day…_

Samantha had laid a kiss on Jane's cheek as she finished zipping up her uniform. "Don't wait up, Shepard."

Shepard looked up from where she was playing with her hamster on her desk. "Unh? Where are you off to?" Lil' Dude sniffed the air in Sam's direction with a curious head-tilt.

"Oh, just a little chess game," Sam said airily. She waved the holo disc in her hand for good measure.

"You're cheating on me?" Jane asked, eyebrows arching and lips pursing in mock-offense.

Sighing, Sam dropped her shoulders. "There's no tactful way to say this but: you're rubbish at chess. A quick learner? Absolutely. But still rubbish." Waving the holo disc again, Sam gave Shepard a reproachful stare. "I just wanted to have a few drinks and play a few rounds with an opponent who promised a challenge. Your pawns can resume toiling under my regime **tomorrow** , darling."

The hamster in Shepard's hands gave a few squeaks. Jane nodded. "I agree, buddy. That still counts as cheating. …Who is he? Or she? Or they?"

"She," Samantha confirmed, "…is a fellow brilliant tactician in need of some girl talk. And to cut loose a little. She spends **way** too much time in the drive core."

 _Donnelly and Daniels are starting to think she lives in there._

"Ohhhh," Shepard intoned with a nod. " **Tali**. Well, don't get hammered or anything. She's gotta liaise with the quarian fleet in the morning. And she **really** can't hold her liquor." She kissed Sam's cheek back and returned to her hamster, who had resumed stuffing his cheeks with food pellets.

"I promise I'll return the Admiral to you in one piece," Sam promised as she strolled out of the cabin.

 _I can't promise the same for her ego. Because I am going to_ _ **destroy**_ _—_

 _—_ _whoa whoa whoaaaa. Calm down, Traynor._

Inhaling a few breaths through her nose, Sam centered herself as she tapped the call button for the elevator. The familiar tingle of excitement ran down Sam's spine: the thrill of competition. Of battle. Of potential victory.

She met Tali in the Port Observation Deck with a polite handshake. Sam took up behind the bar to make them some drinks, her mental catalogue of cocktails decently adaptable to dextro-compatible liquors.

Within a few minutes, she had assembled a dextro-equivalent drink to a Long Island Iced Tea for Tali and a Seaside Sunrise for herself.

"It feels like forever since I had a night off," Tali remarked as she fumbled with inserting a straw through her mask port.

"I know the feeling," Sam concurred. "Seems like it'll just fall apart if you're not there keeping an eye on things, hm?" She clinked her glass against Tali's in polite toast.

"Oh Kee'lah, tell me about it. If it's not the fleet, it's all the fine-tuning the stealth drive needs to stay ahead of the Reaper suites. Or Garrus wanting…" Tali trailed off, her eyes dimming in what Samantha assumed was a blush.

"Oh, **right** ," Sam chimed in knowingly with a wicked smile. "You and **Garrus**. How is that going, by the way?"

A rumbling voice interrupted just behind them along with the sound of doors swishing open. "How's **what** going?" Garrus asked, his mandibles twitching in a grin. The turian was dressed casually for a change, a blue and gold-trimmed suit hugging the hard lines of his carapace.

" **Nothing** , you bosh'tet," Tali quipped back amiably. "Don't you have a big gun to calibrate?" She checked her Omni-tool before tilting her head sarcastically at Sam. "I mean, it's probably been 30 seconds since it was last calibrated."

Sam chuckled. "Possibly even 40. I don't know **what** we're going to do."

Garrus scowled and crossed his arms. "You're one to talk. You fuss over the drive core like you birthed it yourself."

"We both have our favorite children," Tali purred with a smirk. She clinked her glass against Sam's once more.

The Comms Specialist breathed a mock-irritated sigh. "Please, please. You're **both** pretty." _…Tali is prettier…_ "…By which I mean: pretty good at your jobs."

Both aliens made scoffing-exhale noises at the same time.

Sam gestured over her shoulder to the empty room across from the Port Observation bar. A green-topped poker table took up most of the glass-enclosed space. She drummed her fingers on the chess holo disc in front of her at the counter. "Shall we, madam?"

"We shall!" Tali chirped back as she slid off the barstool and sauntered her way over to the table. She settled into one seat with Sam following close behind. Garrus remained at the bar, the lanky figure scratching a finger on his chin while he perused the collection of liquors.

The pair assembled at the table and logged in to the glowing interface, a familiar eight-by-eight grid populating with pieces.

"Do I need to give you a refresher on the rules?" Sam asked, her eyes twinkling in challenge.

"Please," Tali said with an eye-roll. "This is a children's game on the flotilla. Along with some number game that the volus play. I forget what it's called."

 _Hmph. "Children's game."_

 _I will_ _ **destroy**_ _you, Vas Normandy._

Studying the board layout, Sam sighed in pleasure at the cool familiarity of her favorite game. "What about Kepesh Yakshi?" She offered.

A sputtering noise through Tali's straw followed a cynical squint of the woman's eyes. "That holo game the asari are obsessed with? It must be nice to have so little to contribute to your people that you can play a game for a living."

 _Nevermind. You have redeemed yourself. You're all right, Tali'Zorah._

A deep laugh rumbled in Samantha's belly as T'Suza's defeated face flashed in her mind.

 _…_ _T'Suza…_

Sam nodded in agreement. "It's an interesting game, I'll give the asari that. But yes, **some** of us have little things like military service to do while saving the galaxy."

"Hear hear," Tali cheered with a slurp of her drink.

The game started off well enough. Tali was an aggressive opponent with surgical precision for picking off Sam's pieces. It was exciting, actually. The quarian had a quick, adaptive mind and was keen on heading off some of Samantha's best strategies while offering some interesting twists of her own.

Meanwhile, Garrus was rather useless milling around in the background. Apparently, he had taken the "you calibrate too much" jibe a little personally because the turian refused to leave the Port Observation Deck. He took up post at the bar for a little while, sampling liquors and making mixtures of his own until he found something he liked. Then he lounged at the low couch, absently thumbing through a datapad while throwing surreptitious glances over at Samantha and Tali while they played.

Eventually, the turian groaned in boredom and ambled up to look over their shoulders.

It was a tense final showdown. Tali had the better coverage but Sam had made an aggressive push into her territory with the white King on the run.

"Checkmate," Sam announced with her last move. Ironically, a pair of black pawns managed to pin down the King in a corner.

The quarian swore a "bosh'tet" under her breath as she slapped a hand on the table. White eyes flicked up to Sam with a warm glow. She made a measuring motion with her thumb and forefinger. "I was **this** close. One more move and you would have been at my mercy."

Chuckling, Sam attempted a sip of her drink but only ice rattled in the empty glass. "Oh I **saw** that. Well done, by the way. Really kept me on my toes. I took a huge gamble and lucked out, frankly."

 _…_ _I wish I was being kind. She very nearly kicked my arse._

"Did you lose?" Garrus rumbled next to Tali, his mandibles flaring.

The quarian's head tilted in offense, her eyes narrowing to slits. "Yes! It happens!" She glanced over to Sam and jostled her own empty drink. "Shall we make this more interesting with the next game?"

Sam grinned back and stood up. "I like the way you think, Zorah."

A game within a game was proposed. Mainly involving drinking (a lot of drinking). Garrus volunteered to bartend, though he gave his girlfriend a shoulder-rub along with a peptalk.

"We gotta show these levos who's boss, Tali. The fate of turians and quarians everywhere hangs in the balance."

"You mean, beyond the whole Reaper thing currently holding our fate in the balance?" The quarian's voice trilled with dry sarcasm.

"Sure sure," Garrus said with a dismissive hand-wave. "That's really bad. But this! Tali! A chance to show the galaxy what we're made of!" His grin was lazy under waggling eyebrow plates.

An explosive sigh before Tali's voice vibrated with amusement. "I'm **pretty** sure we already did that. At the Citadel. Four years ago. And a year ago. At the Collector Base. And right now. …But **sure** , Garrus. This chess game will finally solve, once and for all, that dextros are the best." She shot Sam a head-shake and a wink.

 _If I wasn't already taken, I might be in love._

Sam took the time to direct message Jane regarding this development.

[ says: "I'm feeling left out. Tali has her own cheerleading squad while I just have a liquor cabinet. Care to join me and keep Garrus at bay, darling? Because apparently this is now the battle to end all battles between levo and dextro DNA species"]

There was no response. 45 seconds later, Commander Jane Shepard strolled through those swishing doors. She stood in the middle of the room, hands on her hips, hamster on her shoulder.

"Step off, Garrus. Samantha is gonna wipe the floor with Tali's hood thing," the woman announced as she made a finger-wiggling motion at Tali.

The turian barked with delight. "Sheparrrrrrd!"

 _Oh God. I've made a horrible mistake._

* * *

Trading shots for chess pieces wasn't as great an idea as it seemed. Especially without any food in their bellies. Perhaps if it had been speed chess it wouldn't have turned out so badly.

But it generally took Tali close to 30 seconds to "chug" her shot through her "emergency induction port."

 _Still a straw, Tali._

Plus, Shepard and Garrus insisted on helping them select liquors for their shots in an effort to be supportive. A dangerous mixture of drinks were sloshing in their bellies ranging from bourbons to vodkas to an almost-ryncol that Garrus managed to stop before Sam puked her guts out.

"Are you trying to kill your girlfriend, Shepard?"

"What?! I would **never**!"

"Just because **you** can drink that krogan shit doesn't mean anyone else can."

Almost-poisoning aside, Sam was teetering dangerously in her seat and had to stave off a warm feeling in her belly with willpower alone. She made a terrible mistake about a third of the way into the match and struggled to correct it with pure aggression.

 _If I'm going down, I'm taking you with me._

The second game took close to an hour to resolve… and the winner ended up being Tali.

Fist-pumping the air, the quarian bounced out of her seat and did a flourishing dance to celebrate. "Yes! Evened the odds!" She stumbled slightly and made a drunken pointing motion at Sam. "I'm on to your tricks, Specialist. Clever round that time."

The peanut gallery was also looking unsteady as well. Garrus and Shepard had taken to linking shoulders and whispering to each other about their girlfriends. They had become downright buddy-buddy… up until the game had ended.

"In your **face** , Shepard! Tali kicked Traynor's **ass**!"

"Lucky break! Sam won the first game!"

"Beginner's luck! Tali just needed a chance to learn all her tells and then clean house!"

"That's Skyllian Five, you **jackass**! There aren't 'tells' in chess!"

The two actual players just exchanged sighs while their significant others bickered.

And bickered.

And bickered.

Finally, both women stood up and shouted in harmony. **"Enough!"**

Garrus and Jane shrank back. Even Lil' Dude, who was just hanging out on the coffee table, flattened his ears and hid behind an empty glass.

Jabbing an accusing finger into Jane's collarbone, Samantha growled at her girlfriend. "You're both being ridiculous! This was supposed to be our evening to enjoy ourselves without the pressure of the galaxy on our shoulders! Any idea what that's like, **Shepard?!"**

Tali headbutted Garrus's chest with her hard mask before she shoved him backwards. "And **you**! Not everything needs to be some turian crest-measuring contest! If you want a fight, go wrestle with Shepard or Vega in the Shuttle Bay!"

It took some doing, but both women managed to hustle their crestfallen mates out of the poker table lounge area with a couple of well-placed pokes and shouts. Luckily, Garrus and Shepard were so stunned by the accusation that they were already outside the glass partition before they realized it had locked in front of them.

"EDI! Privacy lock! Maximum override!" Sam shouted at the ceiling.

["I am pleased to assist."]

Breathing heavily, both women exchanged looks with each other before they burst out laughing.

"Did you see Garrus's face?"

Tali giggled and held her side. "Shepard looked like a kicked puppy, Traynor! How can you resist that sad face?" She cooed as she waved a finger at the glass.

"Oh believe me, she's **well-versed** in that." Sam waved a dismissive hand. "The more she uses it, the less effective it is."

Gesturing to the board, Samantha smiled warmly. "Shall we break this tie we've ended up in?"

"Absolutely," Tali confirmed as she settled back into her seat.

* * *

" **You're** the one who got us kicked out in the first place! Because, and I quote, 'Tali is gonna wipe the floor with that squishy Comms nerd.'"

"Well she is! All humans are squishy! …except you, of course."

"Is not! Did you see Samantha at that Kepesh Yakshi tournament? No! You were dicking around in the arena. She was **incredible**!"

Rolling their eyes, Sam and Tali did their best to ignore the bickering outside the room.

"Thank you for agreeing to this match, Tali. In spite of…" Sam trailed off as she glanced over where Jane was shaking a fist at Garrus. "…in spite of our children fighting over us."

Glowing eyes thinning to pleased slits, Tali nodded emphatically. "It was my pleasure! We should do this again sometime!" She shot a glance of her own at Garrus, who was pointing and growling at Lil' Dude on Shepard's shoulder. "…though, perhaps **without** our two biggest fans."

"Hear hear," Sam echoed as she clinked her glass against Tali's on the table.

Exchanging a pair of moves, both women sighed contentedly in the peace and quiet.

Just outside, Jane and Garrus had reached a stalemate of glares.

Lil' Dude was also in on the stare down, locking eyes with the turian with a scowling "Meep!"

"I hope you're happy, **Garrus** ," Jane drawled out with a scowl. Though she looked over at Lil' Dude and grumbled under her breath, "I can't believe I'm locked out of my own ship." Swiping over her Omni-tool, Shepard again tried her Commander credentials.

["Access denied. Sod off, you pair of gits"] was the angry red message that appeared.

"Okay," Garrus hummed back after running his hand over his crest in an agitated motion. "Let's just **relax** and calm down… I'll start… I'm sorry I called Traynor a 'helper monkey.'"

The Commander slapped at the turian's shoulder. "Yea, what the **hell** , Garrus?"

"I'm **sorry!** Javik would say that and I thought it was a term of endearment! Like Vega calling Tali 'Sparks.'"

Sighing, Jane crossed her arms and mumbled an apology. "Okay, well, I'm sorry I said Tali couldn't checkmate her way out of a paper bag. Tali is the **best**."

The two begrudgingly shook hands before pressing back up against the glass.

"Can you tell what's going on?" Garrus asked. "I'll be honest: I don't understand this game."

"I've played it before and **I** don't even understand what's going on," Jane admitted with a sigh.

"Keelah but you do have a talent for mixing drinks!" Tali exclaimed as she drained the last of her beverage through a straw. A rattling-sucking noise could be heard. "You missed your calling, Traynor."

"Oh no," Sam retorted with a headshake. "I already attempted this calling in university. I very much enjoyed the mixology part. Less so the 'customer service' part." She wrinkled her nose at the memory of too many rowdy drunks to count. "I created some **excellent** precision mixes back in the day, but so rarely did anyone want to recreate them down to the hundredth of a decimal place in fluid ounces." Feigning a scowl, Sam tossed her hair theatrically. "Philistines."

The quarian chuckled. "Don't they understand that quality comes from calibrating exactly the right amoun—?" She froze and shook her head. "—Oh Keelah, I'm starting to sound like **Garrus**." Her shoulders dropped fretfully.

Winking back, Sam nudged at the woman's hand. "You are. But I promise I won't tell anyone."

Garrus's muffled voice shouted through the glass. "What's happening? Tali? Why are you looking so sad? Are you losing? Did you lose?"

Shepard pounded on the door with a slurred cheer. "Yea! Go Sam! Kick her ass! And not just because Garrus called you a 'helper monkey!'"

 _He said_ _ **what**_ _?! He called me a_ _ **what**_ _?!_

 _That sonofabitch!_

Eyes flicking back to Sam, Tali asked in a bored voice while feigning interest in the game. "Should we tell them it's a draw?"

"Absolutely not," Samantha replied. She guzzled down her drink before smacking her lips. "I'd rather enjoy the quiet for a few more minutes. Don't you agree?"

"Hear hear, Traynor."


End file.
